The Seven Dwarfs…

The Seven Dwarfs of Sickness that live in the Land of Flemm.

I’ve been quite under the weather recently and considering my previous “ale-ments”, I haven’t felt much like doing anything.  With enough metal in my liver to set off any metal or imaging detector, I really do need to be careful what I put into my body.  This includes Over-The-Counter medicines.  So when I do get sick, which has been almost non-existent these last 2 years, probably based on the amount of medicine’s that were pumped into my body, this sickness will take hold like a baby Three-Toed Sloth holding onto its mother’s body for dear life.

As I was feeling quite better, not 100%, and quite frankly not 75%, I decided it was time to get up and move a little bit.  Clean up as it were around the house.  I do live alone with my 2 beautiful cats and one rather very stubborn Red Bone Coon Hound.  All 3 are rescue animals.  Colonel Vaynne, Garibaldi, and Redd, respectively.

Not to bore you with the mundane chores of the morning, but when I’m done with those I sit down at my computer and plan my day, read my emails, decide what’s important, what can wait, and start tackling things.  Today’s biggest challenge was getting my bills paid.  Any writer will tell you that staying focused is key.  However, this morning, something I read sparked this next post.

So without further adieu, I present to you the Seven Dwarfs From the Land of Flemm.    In no particular order.

SNEEZY:  I think we all know him.  He’s the one that sneaks up on you, comes out of nowhere and the next thing you know, your eyes are closed, head is bobbing and weaving like a car dash mounted bobble head and you’re going, “oh my goodness, where did THAT come from?”  However, the other Sneezy I’ve been dealing with is the one that you can feel, way down low, deep in your lungs making its way up the tracks like a roller coaster, just waiting to reach the top, that moment of “is it going over or not” , the one that gives you time to hold on for dear life while you find the biggest snot rag you can find because you know this is going to be the big one, the mother of all sneezes, the one that you can finally breath again with, the one to end all sneezes only to have another one right behind it.  The even-more-evil-twin brother.  And these two have been mining in the Land of Flemm for several days.  They have mining snot carts filled with their precious treasure all to willing to share with anyone and everyone.  They’re throwing their hands full of snot like its candy coming from the elves at the Christmas Day Parade.  Just when you think its all done, all gone, and you lay back down trying to breathe again and regain some sort of composure, you realize they are not twins but octuplets all too eager to share their treasures too!

ACHEY:  This little guy is a pain in the ass.  He’s also a pain in my head, back, legs, lungs, chest, in fact it’s safe to say he’s brought the whole damn family to mine your entire body, from head to toe.  Which brings me to the next brother.

GRUMPY:  I think this little guy has spoken for himself.  Oh, did I mention he’s related very closely to the original Grumpy we all know from our childhood fairy tales.

SLEEPY:  I don’t even know where to begin with him.  He’s the one you want more than anything else in the world right now.  That peaceful little guy, with his dreamy eyes, that you pray for.  And at this point you’ll pray to any deity on earth just to let him in.  I don’t know where he went.  All I can picture is the other six got together, had a closed meeting and decided he’s off the island!  Either that or the Gnomes kidnapped him and is holding him hostage.  This is now where I have to introduce DOPEY because it appears I can’t even think straight.  I just had to reread what I had written several times only to delete it all together because none of it was making sense!  Oh the expletives I would love to use right about now!

ICKY:  This is the little man who can’t make up his mind if he’s too hot or too cold.  Fever or no fever.  Chills or no chills.  Sweats or no sweats. And I’m not talking about the clothing I’ve been living in for the last 6 days.  I feel like he’s running rampant through my body just opening and closing doors and windows.  The little guy has eaten the wrong “shroom” somewhere along the way and is now experiencing home-grown, drug-induced, dwarf-like paranoia!  Can’t you just picture him?  This little “f*****g” dwarf half dressed, half naked, shouting all kinds of obscenities and phrases that make no sense at all, opening and closing doors, looking like a beady eyed little roach, scurrying through my body looking for who knows what, yelling, laughing, giggling, then as quick as it started he stops with the look and stare of Cheech and Chong lounging in Frank Zappa’s garage exchanging thoughts and ideas as if they were philosophy professors arguing about Schrodinger’s Cat!!!  WTF!!!

And who’s missing from all this mayhem?


This little bitch has been on a sabbatical.  He’s decided to climb the Himalayan Mountains and explore the Tibetan Monks and their way of life.  I think he’s decided to give up the traditional form of western medicine along with his PhD. all together to explore the many other forms of medicine provided by Mother Nature.  Let’s just hope he doesn’t sample any of the wrong mushrooms or lick any red toads while he’s out exploring.